Entries Tagged as 'Sexuality'

Bestiality, Cocks, Vaginoplasty

This week’s episode of Rake (ABC, 8.30pm Thursday) dealt with the taboo issue of bestiality and rather improbably climaxed with a not guilty verdict for an esteemed doctor caught on tape having sex with his wife and the family rottie. No doubt there will be much gnashing of dentured jaws throughout the nation, and possibly that was the intention, but the reason I bring it up is because of the ploy by the defence, played suitably rakishly by Richard Roxburgh, to repeatedly replay the dvd of the sex scene to the jury, theorising that after watching it 50 times himself, his reaction had evolved from shock, horror and disgust to benign amusement, as, hopefully, would the jury’s.

I was reminded of a recent experience of mine whereby, having formerly rarely ever seen a male fondling his own penis, I have now possibly seen enough for a lifetime, and just in the last week. I am referring, of course, to some spare time spent on Chatroulette or its derivatives, the which I do, to paraphrase the old Playboy adage, just to have an interesting video chat with diverse people from around the globe. The which I have done, but bizarrely interspersed by much of what I now term ‘trawling through the cocks’, next, next, nexting through an initially disturbing cavalcade of men, variously arranged, but in general with their camera focused on their organ of reproduction, which they generally fondle vigorously.

What these men are thinking, how they are already clearly aroused when one assumes they must have been trawling the same cock menu prior to meeting up with one, is hard to fathom? One might think they were gay, but occasional attempts to enquire as to their motives largely result in terse entreaties such as ‘show boobs’ (to clear up any confusion, I am sometimes joined in chatting by my female partner) or ‘have sex’, seemingly ruling homosexuality out. [Read more →]

Jesus Would be Pleased

‘Well, we all get up at 5:30am and shower thoroughly, shave all crevices, brush our teeth, and apply perfume and/or sweet smelling lotions. We then sneak back into bed smelling all fresh, where we proceed to wake up our husbands up with oral sex.  After morning sex, we go make a three-course breakfast for our families and send everyone off to school/work. We attend aerobics/pilates/kickboxing classes weekly to keep up the cardio, and we eat protein bars to help sustain us. We masturbate five times daily to keep our drives up, and then we have a gourmet dinner ready when our husbands come home from a long day’s work. We then give our husbands a foot rub while they watch the game on TV. During half time we have sex again and then we wash up and retire for the night. Isn’t that how it works at your house?’

I think it’s pretty safe to say it doesn’t happen like that in our house…

The above comes from a web site called Christian Nymphos – Marital Sex: Spicy the way God intended it to be. Therein we learn that Christians, far from their stereotypical image of prudish frigidity, are getting freaky in the bedroom and even, shock horror, other rooms and in positions other than the missionary. The CN girls give advice on sexual technique, as well as theological advice such as, since anal sex isn’t mentioned in the Bible, it’s ok to do it with your hubby.

Sluttiness is next to Godliness – got that all you Christians. Rimming isn’t sinning. Speaking in tongues? Such cunning linguistics.

As with all things Christian, the fun has to stop somewhere. Generally this involves involving anyone else in the fun, which from my perspective takes a lot of the fun out of it. Nevertheless, it’s nice to think that our Christian brothers and sisters are enjoying a little more than lying back and thinking of John Howard.

PS. I’m pretty sure the quoted paragraph is ironic, in case the feminists amongst you were outraged by the stepford tone. It seems Christians can have a sense of humour as well.

Olympics Sexfest? My Arse

Did you notice the Olympics? Aussie Aussie Aussie! Yawn yawn yawn!

Sport Make you Health via

An anachronism? A farce? How many of this year’s heroes will be next year’s drug cheats? How many Beijingers had their houses demolished? Can we quantify the dividend in world peace and understanding? Would we be better off diverting sports funding to public health like Canada? Was it the protests over Tibet? The sickeningly jingoistic television coverage? Whatever the reason(s) I just didn’t get the Olympics this time around, as if it had become an irrelevancy in a world with far more pressing concerns than who is the fastest/strongest/most agile man/woman this year. And I missed SBS.

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Viva la Revolution Sexuel

We’ve had a sexual revolution, and are now apparently in the early stages of an education revolution. Can you see where I’m going with this? Isn’t it time for a revolution in sex education?

I don’t really know what they’re teaching kids in sex-ed these days, but anecdotal evidence implies that Australian men are dud roots. Should we not be aspiring to be the best lovers in the OECD? Is not a satisfying sex life an indicator of happiness? What are the social and economic costs of failed relationships due to inadequate sexual relations? And think what it would do for the tourism industry once word got out. I can see the campaign now.

My own experience of sex-ed was all boredom and negativity. I already knew about condoms from my dad’s joke about the hundred nuns and the franger with a hole in it. I knew about STD’s from the Grim Reaper ads and from obscure references in 19th century English novels to thunder boxes.

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Pimp My Font

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Make Love (with your Penis), not Dinner

A friend, who on this site goes by the name of The Big Knobber, sent me in this little tidbit from 2003, for ‘the archive’ as he put it.

A Malaysian man sliced off his own penis, then fried and ate it after taking hallucinatory pills that caused him to hear voices urging him to mutilate himself, police said.

There seems to be a bit of this sort of thing going on, well… five cases in 3 billion is a bit isn’t it, though most of them probably were made up. I suppose the stories of women cutting off men’s penises were becoming a bit passe. It does make you think though, and strange thoughts at that…

But it is vile to laugh at this man’s misery. If he exists, he is clearly profoundly mentally ill, a graphic but not actually that unusual example of the extent to which mental illness drives many to self-mutilate. Cutters, according to the anti-Emo crowd, are also passe, our society passing judgement on those who use physical pain to quell their emotional turmoil as being needy attention seekers. ‘Get over it’. Must they go to the Malaysian man’s lengths to receive some attention?

The Whipple Spot

Back in 2005 I wrote an article on female ejaculation, a subject apparently of interest to a great many people, judging by the amount of go-oglers searching for it, and which very shortly after it was written saved a friend from an embarrassing incident when he realised his acquaintance of the evening wasn’t peeing all over him but was actually in the throes of an ecstatic expulsion.

It’s quite amazing really that knowledge of this phenomena has only recently entered the realms of science, anatomy and the like, the female sexual apparatus being rather ignored by largely male scientists who possibly were too shy or too dim-witted to see the value in fully understanding how women’s bits work.

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True Love

They are both nudists and they both have sausage dogs. It must be true love.

Love Story 07
Uploaded by vince_suelze


We know that the sophisticated, worldly and urbane readers of this journal will find this old hat, but yesterday we were talking to a man in his fifties, a man not unaware of the ways of the world, who had no idea of this phenomenon.

We were reminded of a sad story we once heard about a man whose fiance ejaculated on his face during cunnilingus. He was so disgusted by her ‘pissing in his mouth’ that he never slept with her again.

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On Nudism and Pedophilia

‘5.30 till 6.30 “David Lord” Magician Extraodonaire (sic). His magic is so funny it’ll make you laugh.’

Well thank goodness it wont make you shit your pants. The above was taken from the programme of the Elephant Rock First Annual Nude Performing Arts Festival which is happening 22nd-24th Jan near Brisbane somewhere.

Strictly a ‘naturist’ event, rather than a leery pervy event, only adult couples are allowed to go and cameras are banned. More info at nude-aus.org where we also learned that on Jan 29 the Free Beach Association of Queensland is holding a dinner at a winery. Strangely it has a fancy dress theme. They offer the helpful advice – ‘bow-tie at least’. [Read more →]