Entries Tagged as 'Health'

Idiotic Journey

Four knuckleheads decide to drive from Australia to Ireland and, if appearances on morning tv amount to anything these days, it becomes a minor cause celebre. Cleverly, the boys have adopted a worthy cause, youth mental illness (because they ‘had friends who suffered from a Mental Illness’), and there is a charity you can donate to as you follow the boys merrily traveling the globe via their web site crazyjourney.com.

Crazy Journey

The above artwork was taken from their site. The image of a car dominating the globe really makes you think. Do the boys have a deeper message they’re trying to get out? They have chosen to travel in a Hummer. Good choice. Everyone loves Hummers because they represent American military might and they declare that burning as much petrol as you like is a basic (western) human right.

The people of the developing world, through much of which the boys will travel, will hopefully see through the irony, taking time out from disease, pestilence, oppression, displacement etc. to appreciate the true horror of Australia’s mental illness problems. They may like to donate a little rice or something.

Cross Country Walking Sucks

Many years ago, when I was younger, fitter and possibly a bit stupider than I am now, I decided I wanted to walk from Sydney, where I lived, to Canberra. I packed up a backpack, caught a suburban train to Picton, and set off down the old Hume Highway, a cloud of flies and the occasional car swooshing by my only company.

At nightfall on the first day, I stumbled into Bargo, went into the local pub, had a few beers, got talking, ended up at some party somewhere with a bunch of drunken yahoos and slept in a caravan nearby, losing my grandpa’s old akubra in the process. The next day I made it to Mittagong and that’s where the footslog ended. I figured I’d learned everything there is to know about intercity walking, which is that it’s hard work, boring, lonely and the flies never, ever leave you alone.

Thus I have enormous respect for Amy Banson, who recently walked from Brisbane to Canberra and is now setting off from Perth, again to Canberra, this trek being aimed at raising youth awareness of depression and other mental illness.

The Exciting New World of Prostate Examinations

I’m turning forty in a few days. Officially that is. Unofficially I’ve unilaterally changed my birthday to October when the weather is better, so friends and family can expect an invite in a month or two.

A while back I mentioned to Sharkie that on my next birthday I would go to a doctor and have a ‘physical’ to see how my body was coping with 25 years of immoderate living. She wisely interpreted that as a well-meaning but in no way binding resolution and took it upon herself to book me an appointment at the hip city clinic, the one all the junkies, trannies and sex workers go to. They’re not accepting new patients, in case you were wondering.

My last physical examination was at school in England, age eleven. The only thing I remember was the female nurse tugging down my pants and giving my testicles a little fondle. All present and accounted for apparently, but back to the present.

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There is no Silent Pee in Splash

One of the joys of living in group houses is the social aspect, meeting all your flatmate’s friends, relatives and romantic attachments. It can also be the bane of your life, depending, in the case of friends and partners, on the discernment of your flatmates.

We’ve lived with some pretty sexually active women in the past and found it quite diverting meeting a passing parade of the local manlife. Even though male, we don’t feel like we really know or understand many men, so the chance to study them close up balances any negative consequences of their presence. For the most part, liaisons have been mercifully brief, one guy being replaced by another at about the same time as they become annoying.

Often one of the first things to irritate us about men is their toilet habits, specifically the way they pee. Here’s a little list:

Don’t lift toilet seat

Pee on toilet seat

Don’t put toilet seat down (not annoying to us but to the women in the household)

Pee on floor

Pee on walls

Neglect to clean up pee on toilet seat, floor, walls

Rarely if ever clean toilet (only expected of residents or very regular long term visitors)

Pick nose while peeing and wipe snot on toilet wall

Take photo of their penis on our camera? (hehe)

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