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Class Clowns 2008 @ The Street Theatre

Information night for ACT teachers, Tues 5th Feb

Class Clowns

Coffee Bitch #43. Chisolm Bakery. 30/01/08

Coffee Bitch

two and a half beans

Chisolm Bakerie

Slops. A favourite with developers.

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CHIFFON #68. Fishy Business



Hail to Australia”s new Australian of the Year, truly a clever choice. To those who don”t know this gentleman it must seem as if they have chosen an American rodeo rider or a Johnny Cash impersonator. This is the image you see: a black Stetson-type/ten gallon hat (and preciously perched) atop a man who seriously believes that horses, not camels nor oxen, opened up this country.

And there are farmers still in strife after two hundred years of shameful agricultural practices (no wonder) that really could do with a hand so people like this cowboy can moo about them and the drought and the confusion that exists amongst cowboys and their urges, and who is on top.

I was asking a question the other day regarding fish oil. If fish are being ground up for their oil what then happens to the fish (meat), could it be that it is manufactured into fish fingers and fish portions and sold throughout our supermarkets, It seems like a typical business practice and quite plausible but have you ever gone to the supermarket and thought ‘I will buy fish as it is good for you’ and if that is the case do you ever wonder about the (fish oil) content of fish fingers?

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Brick Bats and Cheesecake

One of our neighbours from over the back fence just dropped by with half a cheesecake as a thankyou for the music last Saturday. She was having a party in her yard that night and the Backyard Backanalia apparently provided a lovely aural backdrop. This was in stark contrast to Angry Neighbour from three doors down who made a brief cameo appearance at around 1 AM, fronting up to poor Alice Cottee in the middle of a quiet solo number and abusing her.

They (he and his pretty but venomous wife) passed by yesterday as we were unloading from a gig at Olims, making some snide remark but unwilling to stop and have a reasonable talk about it. As they disappeared down the street I yelled out that it was the last Backanalia we’d be putting on there and that we were moving out this week. She did a little victory dance.

Besides Angry Neighbour’s lack of social skills, the community hereabouts has been remarkably tolerant of our occasional debauches – just one official noise complaint in our five years here. The people next door, a gentile older couple with an immaculate lawn, have been quite sweet about things. They cop the main brunt of the p.a. and only a couple of times have they come by to meekly suggest we could turn it down, and that only when we’ve gone well over the usual end time of 11pm.

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Tour Diary: Episode 4

by Bloodnut”

This diary is a record of two bands and their fortnight spent touring the pubs and clubs of coastal Australia with twelve band members, one sound man, a small entourage of friends, five vehicles and one piss-off-huge trailer.

Episode 3:” Armidale (With a foreword from The New England Highway)

If you pretend you are holding an invisible pencil between your thumb and forefinger ” this is how far on the map says we are from Armidale. We are almost there – like counting backwards from 1000 and reaching 10.” We are almost there.” I am full of good food.” McDonalds have added Triple Cheese Burgers, Double Quarter Pounders and Bacon Double Cheese Burgers to their regular menu.” They sit just above the lean beef burger on the menu. They are sinful and self-righteous at the same time.” Like catholic priests. If I am to leave any mark on this world, it may as well be a massive ecological footprint.” I have one of each.” When I am older I will wear my Type II Diabetes like a badge of honour.

As we hit the highway on the outskirts of Tamworth, The Nurse suggests we play car cricket.” I have no idea what he is talking about.” He explains.

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Gertrude’s Diary #60 – Australian Story

This week I visited the goats. I’ve written about them many times, so I won’t describe their gentle and curious ways: the way the young ones frolic and play on the green hillsides. The way the tame ones come up for a scratch behind the horns or the bite of an apple. The way the ovulating does bleat incessantly for hours when separated from the bucks.

On Wednesday I went down the escarpment to the lake, and walked out onto its mysterious face. It is beautiful and strange there, with patches of alien-looking sedges; unexpected water plants among the pasture.

It is a place where you might expect to meet mythological beasts, sitting melancholy and marooned by the receding water. Or perhaps the ghosts of drowned cadets sailing a spectral yacht, on a lake that holds only grass and sky.

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Tour Diary: Episode 3

by Bloodnut”

This diary is a record of two bands and their fortnight spent touring the pubs and clubs of coastal Australia with twelve band members, one sound man, a small entourage of friends, five vehicles and one piss-off-huge trailer.

Episode 3:” The New England Highway

I open my eyes.” I am on a lounge room floor.” I am not in my usual warm bed with the usual warm body beside me, there is a half empty stubbie in the spot where she should be. There are bodies of band members littered amongst couch cushions and sleeping bags.” Newcastle feels a long way from home.” Tonight we play in Armidale. It is even further away from home.” It will be a while before everyone wakes up.” I decide to grab a coffee.

I wander into the centre of town. I pay $3.50 for caffeine. My coffee is rough as shit- not dissimilar to the bloke who made (and probably spat) in it.” There is a girl busking on the violin out the front of the cafe.” Fittingly, she cannot hold a tune.” A filthy teenage boy walking past tells her to fuck off.” He is accompanied by an older man holding a half full schooner glass and having trouble walking.” I realise that all city centres from Canberra to Cairns must be interchangeable.” I almost feel at home.

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CHIFFON #67. Little Monkeys



What the bloody hell! I’m telling you of this amusing little village, a collection of elderly residents living in this charming town of tolerance, Canberra.

As this little block (twenty or so self-contained independent units) is administrated by the housing trust there exists an array of people with foreign cultural backgrounds. It is also interesting too note that each individual operates from their own moulds and no one sees eye to eye, or should I allude to the fact that they all appear to exhibit stereotypes identified within their country.

The two most abled woman, and therefore the two who assert themselves, happen to be English and German. I visit an elderly woman resident of this conglomerate and she lives next door to the German woman and they do not get on and I have heard accusations of fascism, being dictatorial etc. associated with this woman. The English woman, who fusses over her garden of flowers, has a little area with chairs and tables at the rear of her house and has started a little incident not unsimiliar to the cricket kafuffle recently.

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Gertrude’s Diary #59 – Fear

not really a picture of me

Someone said to me recently, “Gertrude, you’re so brave to let yourself go grey. I really admire you.”

I thought this was a very astute observation. Clearly, I’m mastering my fear every time I find myself in the L’Oreal aisle at the supermarket and am attracted by a box of Aztec Copper or the classic Mahogany Brown. Looking in the mirror at the silver hairs requires a stiff shot of brandy and a determined clenching of the jaw.

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Coffee Bitch #42. Lookout Bar & Cafe, Red Hill

Coffee Bitch

two and a half beans

The Oaks Brasserie

So yachty.

Great view.

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Hunks of Glass @ ANCA

Hunks of Glass

opening (25/1) includes a performance by The O’Hooligans, 9.30pm

Tour Diary: Episode 2

by Bloodnut

This diary is a record of two bands and their fortnight spent touring the pubs and clubs of coastal Australia with twelve band members, one sound man, a small entourage of friends, five vehicles and one piss-off-huge trailer.

Episode 2: Newcastle (Almost) to Newcastle

Time check ” 6:30pm. We need to be in Newcastle to set up for the gig by 8:00pm. Current Status ” Out of petrol. We need to have petrol in the car in order to move musicians to the gig.

We have a quandary. I had a hangover. It has now been replaced by an urgent need for drink. Beer, scotch maybe nail polish remover. I have punched the car. I do not need its shit right now. I feel like crying. I feel like crying harder than any bald tuff-stickered man has ever cried before. The Docter, The Nurse and Mayhem rally to pull me back together again. On their urging I call the NRMA.

The lady asks me my location. I tell her. The Freeway – halfway to Newcastle.
The lady asks me what the problem is. I tell her. The car no work. No petrol. No vroom-vroom.

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a new year’s message from our Wagga correspondent, Suzie.

Who knocked over a tinny at Chrissie?
The postie only has one a year, aren”t they good?
Who gave up something?
Who took up something new?
Who took up something old?

Who”s been to Centrelink more than 12 times in six months?
Need a new year”s resolution for Centrelink, anyone got one?
Who scored last year? Yow baby?
Who”s getting the baby bonus? Yow baby!

Who likes George, the one in charge of America that”s Johnny”s mate?
Wonder if they got a Chrissie card from each other?
Who endures and savors the moments of that wondrous day when a foreigner”s footstep ripples throughout a continent creating a murderous rampage of death and destruction across a land that was preserved pristinely & preciously maintained for thousands, thousands, thousand of years?

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Viva la Revolution Sexuel

We’ve had a sexual revolution, and are now apparently in the early stages of an education revolution. Can you see where I’m going with this? Isn’t it time for a revolution in sex education?

I don’t really know what they’re teaching kids in sex-ed these days, but anecdotal evidence implies that Australian men are dud roots. Should we not be aspiring to be the best lovers in the OECD? Is not a satisfying sex life an indicator of happiness? What are the social and economic costs of failed relationships due to inadequate sexual relations? And think what it would do for the tourism industry once word got out. I can see the campaign now.

My own experience of sex-ed was all boredom and negativity. I already knew about condoms from my dad’s joke about the hundred nuns and the franger with a hole in it. I knew about STD’s from the Grim Reaper ads and from obscure references in 19th century English novels to thunder boxes.

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Tableaux Vivants @ The Front

Tableaux Vivants