Drought Declared in Canberra

by The Suburban Drug Dealer

Canberra is now officially drought-declared. It has been four weeks since marijuana was readily available around town and the natives are becoming restless. Unfortunately the first suggestions of a break in the chain of supply came as my stash was dwindling. Assurances were given that a day or two would see things right, but the days turned into a week and then hope dimmed and was extinguished, my stash ran out and the stream of plaintive calls from increasingly nervous regular customers died away.

Like death and incontinence, the summer drought in Canberra is inevitable it seems. Theories abound as to the cause of the annual shortage. Some are commonsensical, others fantastical. One suggestion is that, with Christmas and the influx of visiting relatives looming, Canberra’s normally moderate public service class scores big en masse, knowing well that an after-dinner joint is the only way to get through an evening with the fam.

Other suggestions are: increased police activity (Ha!), the fact that, with open air crops a few months away from production, it is nearly a year since last year’s crop and stockpiles have dwindled, the confluence of various astrological events and the possibility that the Gods are angry with us.

Whatever the reason, the only way to deal with shortages of supply is to abstain. I haven’t eaten a banana since they were $2.99 a kilo and I refuse to buy pot in scungy little $50 deals from profiteering mongrels, though next year I may remember the drought, stock up in November, and become one of those profiteering mongrels myself.

This year, however, my business is temporarily kaput, my weekly pocket-money is suspended and I am close to running short of what little personal stash I had left around the house. Sadly there is no Federal Government aid for these sort of droughts. Christmas will be frugal in the suburban drug dealer’s house this year.


Nice to see that the folks at Spin Starts Here appreciate the seriousness of the problem.

One Response to “Drought Declared in Canberra”

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