Chiffon #6

Hello, well after much pressure, I have to tell you this thing about how I come to be writing this where I am writing it. Let me start. Not long ago, maybe a year or two ago, I was living in the bush, on a old acreage and as I had a number of animals I was not lonely. Toward the approach of autumn I received a call from one of my many friends, and she informed me of a young gentleman who was in need of manure for a gardening project and asked whether I would allow him to clean my many animal pens in order for him to have a load of manure. This I was only too glad to do. I expected him the next day.

Now my little menagerie of animals consists of two sheep, one little white goat, one donkey and twenty-six assorted fowls and they are always amusing me.

The day came and had nearly gone when there came a commotion from the chooks outside and an insistent almost triumphant braying from my pet donkey. Well I quickly went racing to the door and was horrified to see this young man with the gate wide open and my donkey standing looking at his new found freedom.

I yell to this person, What the”? How the f” did this happen. I could see that he thought badly of himself for having been irresponsible enough to let this accident happen. Quickly assessing the situation I said to him (the young man), you must get him back, and I fluttered my eyelids hopefully to inspire him, and this ploy she worked because he say to me, but I don”t know how, and then I say to him I will show you how to get my ass.

I gave him a bunch of carrots and a banana to put in his pocket and urged him to go around and dangle the carrots which he did, and it worked because my ass she is responding and he is very happy with himself because he is dangling the carrot and my ass is going to it and he starts yelling ‘YeeHah’ and ‘come on baby’.

Oh it was a marvelous sight to see this young man conquer my ass and gain that masculine feeling men get when they tame a wild beast and corral it. Then after, after it was done he lit a cigarette. I was shocked. What about me? I said to him ‘EXCUSE ME, may I have a cigarette too?’ Imagine that I have to go through all the hard work, the worry, the anguish and I even had to show him what to do, and the minute it is all done he forgets who did most of the work and doesn”t offer me any consideration.

All he is worried about is his shit and then he say to me ‘How was that?’, probably expected me to be grateful. So I asked him if I can take a photograph for my writings and he said yes and asked what I write, yahdah, yahdah, yaddah. I took the picture and he left.

The other day I saw this young man and I ask him to print me all over the place, he replied with, ‘why should I?’ I showed him the photo of him chasing my ass with a carrot in his hands and what may or may not be a banana in his pocket and he certainly looks proud of himself. I reminded him of this day and then he agreed to help.

He also wanted to buy the photograph.


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