Chiffon #8

Well here we are in a new year and I have had a big think but I forgot but it will come back to me.

How offensive is the Waverly City Council? Banning the flag flying over the Bondi pavilion: do they know what country Bondi is in or are they behaving like Shree Rajneesh and that Sheila who say tuff titty? One must wonder whether these people in Waverly wear orange underwear or drive Rollers around. Personally I think it is not sedition but treachery against this country. So much for multi-cultural habitation.

Somebody who I know and you don”t said to me they never had a flag flying over Bondi pavilion, so what? I would think that is because absolutely everything associated with the Bondi pavilion, the home for Bondi lifesavers, only one of many surf lifesaving clubs along and around the coastline including Cronulla all scream out this is Australia and we are ready to risk our lives to get anyone out of the water when they are in trouble and we are the best in the world and now that our lifeguards have been assaulted, why shouldn”t we Aussies rally together under the flag to protect and promote an Australian institution?

The expression BRONZED OZZIE refers to the suntan accumulated by beachgoers and is not a racial slur against anyone except Aussies otherwise the expression would not sound the same as olive Aussies or brown Aussies or white Aussies.

Further to this does not Bondi have the unenviable task of piping the sewage of Sydney off its coast? What has happened to this pipeline that we have to put up with their multicultural shits walking around and even causing big stinks in the media and the places where they make the decisions? Give me a home amongst the gum trees, a sheep or two and a kangaroo (ya gotta eat). I ask one question: does such a place exist? And if not in this country, then where?

Gooday today is the second day of January, the first working day for people unlucky enough to have a job and for the rest (Johnny say we are blight) the first broken down day of the New Year.

Hello well what do you know? I know this, today is the fifth working or broken day (depending) and yesterday I had such a good day in the afternoon, I was with this lady friend who I secretly love and she refreshes Chiffon’s outlook of the world. We talked about this and that and we went for a drive in my car.

She must think I am a oboe as I had my music loud and I was slippin’ an a slidin’ and I was rockin’ along when we had to stop at a set of lights and in the car next to us was this really serious man who I don”t think was happy because he was seriously serious and I took the opportunity to look in his direction and he slowly turned his head around like he was Arnold or Magnum P.I. (not an ice cream) and this was funny in itself and my lady friend she looked at me and I looked at her and then the lights turned green and tires screeched and he pulled away from the lights and his number plate reads SHAUN (hello sweetie) and I said ‘that”s torn it’. A personalized number plate and my friend she laughed and I laughed and we laughed and I wonder where he comes from and who made him advertise his haircut and then we laughed some more and then I went.

I know this somewhat pain in the arse person, who is so disorganized, that he requires much help with this and that and he gives me much grief as he wants everything for nothing and he is so pathetic that I have to help him out by taking him here and there and give him this and give him that and he treats me like I am hired help and this annoys me because he can not afford to pay for what he takes from me and he is conveniently Scottish. It is no wonder that the inhabitants of this island are not my favourite people but in the words of one of the friends of my grandmother, Robbie B: The well laid plans of mice and men, oft gang a gley.

It is the morning of Saturday the Sixth day of January. I am really glad that the week which was stupid is over. I had to NAG and NAG to get anything done and I did nothing waiting for every one else to get bloody real. It was really shit. I hate this.. Now I am better. I got to tell you this whole date thing is stupid as now I am too paranoid about letting you know when I write my thing that I forget what to write and I think this is stupid so I think and I don”t write.

Hello again from my pages to you everywhere. Today I am wondering how everything is for a group of what can only be described as the most unlikeliest combination of individuals to set off together for an extended period of time {two weeks}.. This collection is known affectionately as just: the boys. Anyway I will tell this story.

LIKE SAND THROUGH THE HOUR GLASS”. It’s as good a start as any, as well as being a true indicator to the nature of this saga. They have all gone to a music festivals with their instruments and a lot of good intentions and money for alcohol and alcohol and a possibly seriously amended attitude toward bush domesticity and a need to get away and relax as opposed to stay here and relax .They do this all year.

I should point out at this point the use of the word relax is a code word for sit around and drink piss. To be fair there is one among them who is a hard worker and he stands apart and I think is seldom recognized for what he does for people. He is no fool. I call him Paris for two reasons, but it does not matter for me to tell them to you.

The boys have been waiting for this for one whole year. You would be forgiven for thinking they were behaving like six year olds waiting for Santa, they did their best to hide it and plans of some grandeur were made for all contingencies regarding their own convenience and comfort as well as major events such as a Polynesian styled, cook in the ground, affair. There was talk of mixing a community orientated collection of alcohol-enriched additives called a punch!

They were going in Paris’s work vehicle, it had issues in the engine, that was towing the (yet to be built) Camp Kitchen Trailer (C.K.T.) (in the meantime they were making do with Paris’s work trailer because the work four wheel drive has a towing ball unlike Boring’s one ton ute which has a ball but possibly a different electrical socket). Adapting the trailer was done the day before departure, but before they had taken the work component off the trailer it fell apart and required welding back together, that night, by another member of the boys, this person is known to me as the Mounted Cognac, he has a love of doing a little a lot in isolation of everybody and thereby appearing continually occupied elsewhere (he is always arriving or leaving).

Once the C.K.T. was ready it was loaded up with the accumulated possessions required for a fortnight by Paris, Boring and Fog, who is a seasoned pursuer, of the good times, as well as a woman who has the same name as my pet donkey (that”s unfortunate). She also is a member of the boys, but I think she could be on notice. Oh well!

They did leave but I heard that they broke down in the foothills of the mountain range. That certainly would have added to their chagrin and I heard from this little bird talking to another little bird at the birdbaths the other day that somebody in this party had rung home and by way of being the first, indicated a very unbalanced sharing of chores resulting in his own perception of sharing the load had degenerated into statement concerning carrying that weight.

I would have thought that they would have spat the dummy and returned home earlier than expected, however they have not yet returned and possibly will be back on the tenth or the eleventh or maybe even the twelfth. I wonder whether they will have the tears. I will find out all these things, I guess!

My friend, who I have forgiven for letting my pet donkey escape and nearly cause me to age ten years, he is been away or as they say in Japan, gone fishing, but everybody except the Japanese knows it usually means everything else but fishing. Ask any Minky whale. The Japanese, they are obsessive people about fishing.

Good on the AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT. I am gladdened that they have issued a travel warning about travelling into the water. The big fear is there are things that will bite you. Obviously this is in line with all the other nastinesses that have been going on and totally justifies the new police powers legislated for. And as I am writing, news reports are telling us that the police are going in the water to hunt and bring to justice this new threat.

I think this incidence is not isolated and I am glad that the police can lock down entire regions as they did in Cronulla. The ocean she has been doing what she likes for far to long. Good luck mon ami”s.

The day she is the ninth day of this new year and I am glad my friend the low doggy is coming home today as I am talking with him and I think we got to get this whole thing organized a little better or else if we don”t who knows? Then I ask who cares? Who really cares?

I am preparing some big things this year. One big thing is another friend of mine she is visiting me in March. I tell you she would give you a run for your money. Another friend of mine, Iggy, he once call her a real wild child. This of course is not true and I write and I tell him that she is quite a lovely girl if only he would stop trying to get into her pants.

Anyway this is way off the road from what I was saying. The boys who I was talking about, they come back… early, by one day, and they tell me they were the last to leave. Could it be that they stay too long? They tell me thousands of people go to this event, how can they be the last to leave? They sucked that baby for everything, it sounds like.

Hello, I am in the next day and I am a little sad today as a friend, he died in the Paris-Dacchau rally. Andy, so long and thanks for the Suzi!

Last night I heard about that trip. I don”t think it should be told, at least not by me, however, I know what happened and I guess it would be funny to hear what they say but who cares, who really cares? I saw a very funny thing last night at a phone box. This man who is a very crazy man in a nice way, or maybe not, but the thing is that last night I saw this man, he was naked and he was talking on the phone in the phone box and he was getting quite animated and he was there for at least twenty minutes having a good time. I ring my friend and now we have pictures, for sale!

Don”t you think somewhere in the very back of your mind, there exists a little seed of doubt about the direction the human race is going, and your role in it? I do have a few questions. They are easily answered. In my own case, the answer is ‘who cares, who really cares?’

I bet you thought that was a question, but no, my reality suggests that I, along with you, we are expendable and we do not really register highly in the consideration stakes. If I may use an Australian euphemism, it”s the little blokes having the wool pulled over their eyes. Mate! We are being done over by someone somewhere.

Now the question is, how are we being done over? We live in the lucky country. Lucky for who? Not real lucky if you are Aboriginal. Not real lucky if your unemployed. Not real lucky if you work for small business. Not real lucky if you are a Muslim. Not real lucky if you develop a mental illness. Not real lucky if you have a car. Not real lucky if you smoke cigarettes. Not real lucky if you drink beer. Not real lucky if you buy Australian made. Not real lucky if you actually want to travel anywhere and enjoy the lucky country. Not real lucky if you have been trying to save money up in the bank.

You could be forgiven for thinking I am babbling on, however I am getting this right off my breasts. Money seems to be significant, or the lack of it is significant enough to effectively distract and inhibit people”s willingness to do anything about anything. The cost of doing the right thing is too much and we have been bombarded with everything except the truth and I am sure if anyone has a conscience and or the ability to be discerning then they must admit that there exists a double standard.

Take packaging and labeling of foods for instance ( will write that again). Take packaging and labelling of food related items sold in supermarkets, such as Woolworths and Coles. We as faithful and loyal as well as responsible and informed, intelligent (because we vote for government and that is very serious) individuals purchase lots of food related items suck as meats, fruits and vegetables, only to find out that it is poor in nutrition, when compared to fresh items. Shock horror! what do we do?

The same thing we do when we go to the petrol tank to fill up and we know the oil company is making a big profit and unreasonably so by telling us untruths and using company speak to defend themselves, what do we do. This is what we do. We pay the exorbitant fuel costs and we go to the supermarket and we spend our subsistence money and we pay and the wife pays and the kids pay and society ends up paying.

Did you know that peoples’ gullibility changes according to the balances of proteins, the presence of vitamins in peoples foods? This is what allows cults such as that run by David Koresh to exist and flourish. Could they (the FBI) have wiped it out because of the food quality, the continual inclusion of certain strains of thought? No, I would speculate that it would have been the results of regimes, such as this, that was seen as the threat.

Maybe every one found out and the experiment was terminated. This all of a sudden is not looking as good as you think it would for the lucky country. We as Australians would be appalled if these things were allowed to occur in this country, or would we? Considering that we are now a multicultural society, we only have to be a bit better than the practices of a third world country in order to blow our own trumpet. I lust after a time when we only were concerned with water, food and sleep and there was not time to worry.

What a healthy winge this was if not so uninformed, lacking in all the facts and filled with off the cuff reactionary influenced hogwash. Further it is really hard to believe that I would be called average by any if not all demographic studies and therefore I am one of many people in this country who are the same as me and I the same as them. Anyway we are given a license and I drive. I am also given a credit card and I am given a vote to elect my representative in the parliament and all that is really worth is the right to be ripped off at the petrol bowser and eat less than what I am lead to believe I am eating and put up with other people winging as well.

Well what a good time today is. You know what I think, everybody is running around trying hard to be the boss, the boss of what I don”t know, but it is a funny thing everyone is doing cause it doesn”t ever mean anything at all, because every thing is not true but people they behave like they believe they are in control and can solve any problems, even if they don”t exist. Exist?Don’t go there. I agree so I will not go there.

I have been showing my recently acquired pet around as well as teaching him a few tricks such as stay. I have called my pet Flynn, we have conversations and I find his ability to listen so reassuring and he is such good company for Chiffon I talk to Flynn about everything. And the neighbours they do not notice my Flynn who is waiting with much love for my return when I go out and is there when I wake up and does not make much noise.

Well I should like to tell you that I am approaching the first ten thousandth word and to mark this milestone I am releasing a new publication. It is titled TOO THICK TO BE A COASTER with a forward by a friend of mine (the last person I asked to do this said I was too forward) It will be a compendium of the former I think.

Well it is as I suspected, another intrepid explorer fish was captured thanks to England”s shoot to kill policy (although they deny shooting it, apparently it was herded back out to sea where it died). What”s really going on? I can”t help being bothered by what the English do.

Remember Burgess, Blunt ,Mc lean, not to mention Mister Phil by. I know I am being irrational and it is phantasmagoric al to suggest agendas, other than those which are emotively motivated, exist , such as whales. The emotional issues associated will dominate peoples’ thinking to the point they become more interested with what”s trying to be achieved and fail to pay attention to what is being achieved.


Last night the Fog descended on the low doggy. Previously the puppy, bless his heart, was gnarly because the Fog owed the doggy loads of puppy food and he said to me after I purchased a take away meal, he said he did not want to see me go down the same road. Well! No chance of that, one uninformed and inappropriate remark from the Fog and anyone would have thought I was a reincarnation of Chris Skafe. How much is shit worth?

I CAN READILY DO WITHOUT THE RAMBLINGS OF BOREDOM NIPPING AT MY HEELS, but who cares? Who really cares? It is a lovely day, the sun she is shining and the birds they are chirping, in fact, there is more and more birds especially noisy ones, what if? No, I must be strong, after all it was only a movie.

Today I must start to practice my yelling because some other people need to hear me so they can give me feedback. I have noticed that some people are saying to me be quiet Chiffon, you are yelling when I am not yelling so after today they wont be under any illusion as to when Chiffon raise her voice. This I think could be a treat for them as they have not experienced the competition Chiffon is involved with.

I must wish my sister happy birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIMONE, I LOVE YOU.

Well what a very, very day it is last night. I had a meeting with a sweetie called Gertrude. She chatted and then I chatted and then she chatted again, this we call conversation. She, this sweetie, she said it is better to do things this way. I don”t know really, because I just chatter, this I find speeds things up. You lose far too much time if you have to continually stop for the other persons chatter.

As I was saying I had a lovely evening and it was all good. I think perhaps she thinks I am a little bit how you would say, ODD. Now is the time for me to get what you call my act together. I don”t quite know the details as yet but I am sure they will show up.

Well well well you might say then again you might not. In any case the word is out, and it had to happen, I guess, and how it happened I do not know as I only hear what is happening, but the LEGEND is now the ledger as one member of a duet called the BROKEBACK BOYS. This snippet of information serves no purpose at all, all I know is it is fun.

Speaking of fun I have not been having as much fun of late and it is possibly due to everyone catching up with themselves although I am allowing for the fact that many people I know are not that aware of themselves, but that”s alright, I guess! One friend he is kook, he say the moon its not new until the end of the month and this is why things are weird. I don”t think so, It is the same old moon.

My friend he say to my other friend can I borrow the truck to move his furniture into a new house. Well he did not say where he was moving but I was sitting at my friends house and my other friend he drive my friends ute all loaded up with his furniture into my friends yard and my friend he thinks my other friend is moving into the back of his ute (which is not a totally ridiculous idea) and he was being a bit concerned but it all turned out alright and no one had to yell.

WHAT ABOUT THE MEMBERS OF THE WHEAT BOARD? This will certainly reveal who has how many weatbox for brekky and who has fruit loops. Although I would think the protocol involved with saving your own arse will result in a lot of duck and roll so much so that certain sections of our administration resemble residents of downtown Beirut going shopping.

This raises a question: you would think somebody would have told them that they (Johnny) were going to do a deal with the yanks. And that appearance is everything. NO! This sounds like the behaviour of pollies and or something without substance. An episode of Mrs. Bucket (Bouquet).

What an occasion is thrust upon that which I consider sacred? I am to be involved in a publicly private event. I don”t know what I am doing exactly but vaguely I do. This thing I do it requires much talent and I have oodles of talent just lying around in fact I was in the shower and I wash myself so much that when I finish with the shampoo I say to myself I am dripping talent in every drop what a pity she all goes down the sink.

This is typical of talent and what happens to it, however in this instance, I can tell you, she was no good to be coy Roy we put all the talent in the back, Jack I know some of my less astute readers will not have a clue what I talk about, and I say who cares? Who really cares? This doo, this out the back thing she had me and my friend at it all the night long and I meet many beautiful people.

I had to laugh at a few misguided people who think Bloody is a bit strong(language wise). I can’t agree. As far as tourists go I am sure that if any of them object we (Australian culture) could give this word a long and crucial history emanating from deep within the dream time .You know I think this is typical of our culture, when somebody disagrees with things which have developed within our colony such as language we amend it or apologize and/or worse, justify it.

Why are we not telling everybody to get stuffed? The rest of the world is aware that our country was started and indeed populated by criminals and women who were also criminals but had to be whores which in this country is still desirable (ask any worker hanging off construction sites during office hours). The first currency was rum. In this context this ad takes on an innocence (If you are a deviant).

Good morning today is Monday, and I am amazed at the things I am seeing in these days. First how clever are the Japanese and also how tasteless. The pictures coming in show how developed their robotic inventions are. Beluga whales in a big fish tank blowing water bubbles. I wonder whether this is what they mean by conducting science research.

Perhaps in this countries water frolicking facilities such as water world they will be showing off all sorts of cyber fish and this concept could be carried over to Stevie’s Reptile concern. I believe that a movie about all sorts of ancient animals living together is in the pipeline or was that already a movie? This whole affair is making me ask, how do we know what is what and who cares? who really cares?

Another thing that really shits me is how many people are in the process of occupying my time so they can facilitate their own sense of grandeur. I am not going to name them as I am not impressed enough to even remember their names, so take that all you wanna bees.

Now if only you were with friends of mine the other Saturday night. These people they are all musicians and they played their music, my friend the maroon cheese (this one is kookoo) he tell me the names of the bands and it sounds pretty multicultural as there was a Japanese duet called Hari Kari or howisamotto or something along those lines and this cheese, he is besotted by this band called the nuts, in particular the two female members but I tell him to get in line as if there is going to be any frenching going on to remember I Chiffon am French and he can dream on but then I tell him not to and I think he will anyway so I punch him already, The pig!

But I have got to tell you there is something about a woman with a bow in her hands. Rachmaninov aside this was an exceptional gathering of music, poetry and dancing. I got to tell you Sanji also has deeply affected my artist friend. She is accomplished at the piano and is classically trained and she break into tears when she hear this man.

Bollywood aside he is a very beautiful man but apparently he is married and has a son and you can tell how much he loves them, but just in case, I tell him that I am French (you never know) and I also helped by sharing some jokes with this M.C. person, and the stupid he stuff up the telling of them so I am going to tell him that he is on his own poor thing. Forever, he will be known as the marooned cheese. I am going to suggest something else. A MOVIE OF THE MAKING OF THE PERFORMANCE. I will let this idea fester, it is good, no!

I am seeing the Oscars on my telly screen and I see the Ohmoe movie is nominated for a lot of categories. This film it gives me a sense of disgust but this is the nature of ohmoes on horses following lots of orny beasts up a mountain named after their, bragging about their sore bums, after coming, and then riding down the mountain.

This is stupid but it gets the nod of approval because of its art quality but, who cares? Who really cares? While on the subject of misguided sexuality, I have just got back from a royal engagement and I have got to tell you Elizabeth kept me longer than I would have liked however I watched the strangest array of weirdo”s congregate outside. It looked very much like a convention of people talking to their sleeves wearing sunnies. A SAD DAY FOR ABSTINENCE ,Happeeee sane Padrig daaaeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I Haf vair baa ice, fuggen schiyy!! SHIT shitt schit. Shity shit shit.

This was the extent of my Saint Patrick”s Day thing. It is a very curious thing this green beer. I tell you she works. But could you do that every day, could you? I know this bloke who does and I will let you know about him and how he goes, but he is already off to a brilliant start as he has been told to wake up in no uncertain terms. Although I suspect he will go a little harder at it.

I suppose I tell you that I got a Bloody skin full and I think it was a wasted time and who is this Patrick? And how many bad accents were there? And why don”t they stop this madness? Could it be that we allow this ridiculous celebration under the banner of multiculturalism? What does it say when a country has to liquor up to promote the pubs, violence and misery and a serious dislike of the English. I personally can”t wait to get there.

Cyclone Larry. I call this big wind the tallyman as this country has no bananas because of it. THE TALLYMAN that sounds pretty cool even if I say so myself. I think what I will do is ask for really cool names for disastrous events such as Cyclones fires floods etc.

Example 1 Cyclone Lazza.

It has been suggested that the adjective bloody precede every mention of the suggested name.

Example 1a Bloody cyclone Lazza.

This has a certain ring to it.

I had to laugh at the local news reader on the telly reporting the cyclone. He said local emergency units are standing by to assist the devastated areas. What a cheap shot to big note yourself talking about someone else’s tragedy. Perhaps I am cynical? I ask myself these questions.

What about mention of financial assistance? WHAT IS ATTRACTIVE ABOUT GOING TO CAIRNS AT THIS TIME OF THE YEAR? Hullo! No disrespect mister news reader but Canberra emergency services won’t and can’t provide any practical service primarily because they can’t and in light of the bushfire experience I doubt they can provide any support and in fact the way it was reported suggests that there is something being done when in fact the only thing being engaged is someone’s ego and or their insecurity. No aid or assistance. I don”t think it is responsible for the news to talk about non news and base it around a very serious concern.

Perhaps this news reader should get off his arse and have a good look at the real world, the one he reports about, or maybe the whole news team should, rather than affect everybody the way they do by not delivering it but wasting space. Perhaps there is not enough news to justify having a half hour news slot?Maybe they don”t find any news? Some people believe your warped way of reporting. SO! Decide whether we are the bush city or are we the nations capital and if we are both then lift your game.

Speaking of being bushy, the thing about this description is that it implies small-mindedness and I am of the opinion that in this town there are many small minds. By this I am thinking about individuals, in fact every body I know. Everybody in my world are selfish, self-centred, egotistical types who in order to make what little they do will eagerly devalue everything else and magnifying their own agendas.

Granted they have a reason to be in their own little worlds with each other. They drink and because they all drink they don”t notice so much and they winge about each other when they are not with each other. Many times I watch with astonishment as they play their little game of what can I get for nothing and what can I give that costs nothing. Talk is cheap and that is what is offered most. Promises and rhetoric. Get off your arse and apply yourself to your life and the things in it. If you don”t you will lose it. It is not fair that you expect everything for nothing. Remember, Mussolini thought he was clever till they hung him.

I do not remember where this soliloquy was going, but I must admit it has a certain ring to it.

I will tell you now. My more discerning readers have asked me to reveal myself so they can have a good ogle, perhaps I have a portrait? Please have a good look and ask yourself whether a donation to the artist for capturing such beauty that you are looking upon Chiffon (whom rates with the likes of Nefertiti), so make his day.

Well! I tell you about this thing that is going on and it is a good idea I think! Many of you will all be aware that I know the most talented people who are also beautiful, and I think they are putting together performance and theatre. This is good and I hope they are making a circus so that I can run away with them. Perhaps if they have auditions I can show them how Chiffon juggles balls?

Whilst on this subject of juggling balls I will ask about how long we have to put up with did the government know? I reckon the question (and there is no question, in my mind) should be who is going to take the blame whether they had knowledge or not of shifty things?

Also I wonder whether or not you sell foodstuff to a dictator who is guilty of starving parts of his population and gassing others and shooting others all this done by people who weren”t starving but were fat with say bread for example would that mean we essentially were complicit in assisting the very regime that was and is occupied now by military forces. I do not know why people don”t like the answer but they are taking the long way round.


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