Gertrude’s Diary #143 – Ideas and Observations

This week, for your amusement, I offer you a random collection of things that all occured to me during the last week.  Enjoy.

1.  Canberra Musicians Club – of which I am a proud member – is hoping one day in the not too distant future to have its very own club house.  I would like to any members who might be reading to consider this idea, which I believe would also be a useful way to exploit the club’s secondary purpose which is,  as you all know, to drink beer.

2.  When you are riding your bike along, and you’ve just gone pretty fast up a hill, and you mouth gets a little moist with saliva, it’s not a good idea to try to say a cheery hello to passersby in case a little bubble of spit pops out.

3.  When you’re painting something, don’t use too much paint.  It dribbles.  And it’s wasteful.  (- sob -) I’m so ashamed.

4.  When you’re cleaning your house, take a bucket around with you that contains; window cleaner, diluted sugar soap in a spray bottle, furniture polish, and at least three clean cloths, one for each kind of cleaning substance, and a spare for buffing.  You may also like to strap an extendable cobweb brush to your back, so you can whip it out Ninja style when necessary.  Divide each room up into quadrants and clean every quadrant systematically, starting with walls, windows and glass, then moving on to general furniture.  A large backpack is required so you may gather up books, magazines, clothes, documents and letters, unfinished craft projects, and abandoned toys.  You’ll also need another bag tied to your belt that you can drop miscellaneous rubbish into.  Save the floors for last.  If you’re place is anything like mine,  you’ll also need a map, compass, water bottles, flint, emergency sandwiches and distress beacon.  And some gin.  And a few valium.

5.  Home made cordial is the best kind of cordial and it’s easy to make.  Ask me how!

6.  Try to always speak your truth, no matter how awkward it might make others, or else you may end up bitter, obsessed and unhappy.   And people won’t like you.  And your hair will fall out.  And your teeth, too.

7.  Watership Down, one of my favourite books of all time and a recognised classic that marries a sophisticated flair for story-telling with a comprehensive knowledge of natural history, sadly omits one important detail in its descriptions of the life of rabbits:  Richard Adams never wrote,  “As General Woundwort turned away from Hazel, he emitted an acrid spray of urine that shone golden in the afternoon light that lingered at the top of the Down.”

8.  This really is the greatest load of nonsense you’ll ever find, isn’t it?

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