Vietnam Letters #2

Postmark 26th Dec, 1969

25 Blacket St
Downer
ACT 2602

25-12-62

My dearest Jock,

Well here it is Christmas night, and what a lonely Christmas it has been without you, even though there have been lots of people here. Last night I didn’t get to sleep until about 4 o’clock, I went to bed at about 11.30 but then I just lay there thinking about you and wishing that we could be together for Christmas. Then about 3 o’clock I had a good cry and cried for ages, and then eventually went off to sleep.

It’s a funny thing but last night was the first time I have really cried since you left. I cried as you were leaving but after the train was gone I just felt numb and empty. I have often wanted to cry, but that’s all, and it was a great relief to have been able to cry last night.

Then this morning when I was at Mass I had tears in my eyes and had a lot of trouble to stop from crying. Then today, when I was watching the Christmas messages from Vietnam on TV, I just couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t really expect to see you on TV but was hoping just the same. Dad saw a fellow that he knows, apparently he belongs to the Canberra North Bowling Club.

Mum and Dad went over to Bungendore last night and brought Auntie Zerephy over the Christmas. She has looked much better to-day since she has had some people around her to take her mind off her troubles.

It is nice to have a bit of peace now, as we had a house full of people here this afternoon, just after lunch Auntie Jean, Molly & Frank and their family arrived and then not long after that Jill & David Fraser arrived. Jill & David left just before tea & the others left at about 9 P.M. It was terribly noisy here with all the kids, they nearly drove us around the bend.

David didn’t get into the Army, and he is the caretaker of some flats out at Hughes now. Your mother rang about 9 o’clock tonight to see if I’d had any word from you. She said that she readdressed 2 letter of yours yesterday, but it may be about Saturday or Monday before I get them.

What sort of Christmas did you have Honey? The boys got a Christmas stocking each from Auntie Jean, and John & Mike got 2 pairs of underpants each & Monkey that you pull the strings & his arms & legs move and some blocks with letters on them from Mum and Dad, & they gave Brian 2 singlets & a little wooden dog that you pull along on a string, but it was only about 5 minutes before they had the head pulled off it and then this afternoon they had the wheels pulled off it. I brought John & Mike a pair of socks each & Brian a hat, it is orange and is like a jockey’s cap.

Mum & Dad & Auntie Zerephy send their love & Mum said that she will write to you when she gets time.

I received your letter & Money Order thank you Darling.

Darling this may seem a silly thing to say but while you are over there I would like you to try and not think about me too much, as I know how awful it can make you feel. Just remember that I’ll always love you, and will be waiting anxiously for your return, and leave me right in the back of your mind.

I discovered to-day that the right back tyre on our car is flat, it is right down. But Dad jacked it up to take the weight off it and will change it to-morrow.

How are things over there Honey, and what have you been doing? What Battalion are you in?

Mum & Dad are leaving on the 9th Jan for their trip to Tasmania & will be back about the 18th Jan. So I will be here untill the 18th Jan at least, as they have asked me to stay and water their garden while they are away, so I may as well as I have got nothing to go home for, except that the place is a mess, but I guess that will wait.

Well it is going on for 11 o’clock now my Darling so I must close now & get to bed & try and get a bit more than 3 hours sleep to-night. Although I suppose that you aren’t getting much more than that yourself. So bye for now Sweetheart.

Yours forever

I love you

Sandra XXXXXX

Postmark 27th Dec, 1969

X-mass Eve 1969

To my ever loving wife, Sandra.

Darling I love you very much and just wish I was back there with you, and the boys. I guess by now you are in Canberra with your mum and dad. Wish them a Merry Xmass and a Happy New Year for me.

XMass

Sandra I love you and wish I were there to embrace you. Darling I got caught last night with the time and lights went out before I could finish this letter, but when it comes to that I don’t think I could ever finish writing to you my dear.

At half past five this morning the CSM and the Plt. Sgt came around and woke us up and gave us a hot cup of coffee laced with rum for our Xmass morning greeting. I guess by now you are in Canberra by now as I will send this note there. How I hope every thing goes ok for you while I’m away. I hope you don’t have to many drinks on New Years day and to-day as I want to be the only one in this world to know what you are like when you have one to many. I love you darling and just wish I could be with you this very moment.

There is some sort of concert on to-day so I may go and see what it is all about. We have all day off to-day and every one is wondering how they are going to fill the day in, its half past eight now and blocks are wondering around what they are going to do with themselfs. I haven’t seen John G. yet but may see him at the concert.

Sandra darling last night was afull all I did was lay in bed and pray to God that we will be together again to enjoy the rest of our lifes to-gether and watch our boys grow up. Hell what I would do to have you in my arms and hold you close to me and feel the warm breth of you in my ear, and kiss you all over your body and watch you as your whole body fills with love untill you are beyond your self and want me inside your warm body so that we are one instead of two.

I am so sorry darling that we are so far apart, its all my fault for not understanding you, please forgive me my love. All I can do Sandra is ask you to wait for me untill all this is over, for I can’t wait to be with you again, its going to be a long wait but it is worth waiting for you Sandra.

As you know Sandra I was with a few girls before we were married, but none of them could do to me what you do. I may not show it much when we are together but you are my whole life and when I thought you were sick and tired of me all I wanted to do was die, get away so you could go on with your life the way I thought you wanted to. Thank God I was wrong and you still love me, even though we are apart it is quite a comfort for me to know that I have a wife who loves me and would wait till the end of the world for me. I love you, I love you, I love you, I just cannot seem to be able put all my feelings on paper but I love you and always will.

Please tell the boys that their father loves their mother more than any thing in the world. Any way dear I must finish up now, will write again soon. Shall put my adress on the back of this page, you may be useing the wrong adress and I have not yet received a letter yet.

My thoughts are forever with you Sandra my love, may God bless you..

Yours forever loveing husband and true lover

Jock XXXXXXXX

XX

P.T.O.

218807 Pte Jamieson
3PL 1ARU.1
AFPO 4
GPO Sydney 2890

May our times of loveing each other forever be on your mind. Forever loveing you.

Jock XXX

Please Note:- I have had a few drinks. (I love you)

The Eave of Xmass Day.

To my dearest One Sandra. (I love you).

Sandra darling here it is Xmass day and it is four thirty PM. Have just come back from the concert and had our Xmass dinner – I guess it was ok. Peter C and I had a few drinks and a few more through out the course of the dinner. Please excuse my writing if you can not understand it.

I have had a few drinks and don’t feel quite normal except for the fact that I love you my dearest. I have a photo of you sitting in front of me at the moment and I just wish it was you for real instead of on paper.

Darling I love you very much and need you, at night when I have time to think it near drives me mad, for I love you so much that I doubt whether you realise it or not. But darling it is true and I shall need you for the rest of my life as it would be nothing without you, so please darling wait for me and think I would kill myself if I went home and you had gone and left me, off course darling I know you would never do this to me but I must tell you so you know what I feel.

So Sandra disregard the last few lines if you feel upset but that is just how I feel. The picture I have in front of me is off you sitting in the door way of Slims car (the Bride and Grooms car at “our” wedding) you look lovely darling just the same as you did five years ago.

Sandra I love you more than any thing in this world and just wish we were together with our boys. So Sandra darling I must finish up now hopeing to hear from you soon. Please remember that I love you and wish we were together as I said in my letter I wrote this morning.

Cheers for now my dearest Sandra, I love you very much and wish you were with me this very minute so I could kiss you and be a man for you. Please wait as I love you too much for you to leave me my darling. I shall always love you Sandra and can’t wait untill we are together again.

Yours forever.

Jock.

Love to you my dearest. XXXXX

Jock

Postmark 28th Dec, 1969

1 James St
Berridale
Saturday 27th 1969

Dear Jock

I thought I’d send you a holi to day. How are you & how did you spend Xmas. It was very quiet here, we just went around the family & Bert came up for dinner & stayed the night, he went to Jindabyne yesterday to the ‘Rodeo’ & we haven’t seen him since, guess he’ll turn up some time. I rang Sandra Xmas night, they were all OK & had lots of visitors. I re-addressed your letter Xmas eve so she should get them to day.

Craig arrived yesterday morning by plane, he would go with father for the sheep this morning and I think it satisfied him. They left at 4 o’clock. He had them on Northern Reserve last night, I think he will dip them in the morning. They are going to 1080 out at ‘Frying Ham’. I don’t think he is taking the sheep back. Ron is still shearing at his and Bert hasn’t finished yet, would make you scream, to think of it with all the fly trouble & Grass seeds.

I think Tim and Alma were to arrive at Bobs yesterday. I haven’t seen them yet. I suppose he would be pretty tired he was bring his caravan I think.

It is very hot here this morning but Xmas day was a lovely cool day. What is the weather like up your way.

We saw the broadcast from up there on Xmas day. It came over very well, the kids thought you might be on it but I said I thought you would not have time.

Joan and Bert have gone down the coast for a few days. They are coming this way about ‘New Year’ I think. Sandy’s guest is still with him, he don’t come this way much, I think there is too many jobs to do around here. I must close now Jock, be sure & write when you get time. Lots of love from us all & good luck for the new year.

Love from Mother.

Postmark 29th Dec, 1969

218807 Pte Jamieson
3 PL 1ARU
AFPO 4
GPO Sydney 2890

To the most wonderful woman in the world, my wife. Dearest Sandra,

Well darling, here it is Friday night, Boxing Day back home. Remember the Boxing Day we had together at Waste Point about 12 months before we were married? I could not stop thinking about it, that day was wonderful, we went swimming and I took some photos of you in my blue jeans. I think it was the first time you met father too.

Darling I love you very much and am missing you something awful, I just wish we were together. How I am missing you. There are times when I just wander around in a daze thinking how cruel I’ve been to you and the boys, leaving you to yourselves. It must be bloody awful for you, my love. Only if we could be together now just to hold hands and the knowledge of you being near me. I need you so much Sandra, of a night in bed my whole body seems to ache for you. I love you.

I wish I was at home with you like any normal husband would be. But I suppose being a soldier a man has to do many things he does not want to do, otherwise he would be of no good to an army, but at the same time it just tears my guts right out and I feel as though a mob of horses are galloping over it.  Please my dearest Sandra, always love me and be mine, without you dear, even though we are thousands of miles apart, I would rather be dead than without you, for I love you so much and my love is strong for you. I could never fall for another woman as long as I live, for you are the only one for me, the only one who means anything to me. I may not be a great lover or anything like that, but I love you, and when I am at home with you I want to say things to you, like express my love to you but I never seem able to find words. Often I wanted to say wonderful things to you, darling. But at the time when I have been with you I always thought you would think I was childish or stupid or something like that. Sandra I just feel like telling you a thousand times I love you.

Every night lately I have been dreaming of you, sleeping beside me and not wanting to get up of a morning, darling I love you and love the actions of you, there are a lot of little things I think about you and me up here, as you are the only thing I think of. The other day I was thinking about the time you went to the doctor in Moraby and coming out you lost your trousers, I felt so sorry for you then and still do. When I think about it darling I love you very much and would love to be able to give you a kiss and whisper in your ear that you are the only woman for me my love.

I don’t know what has happened to the mail service for I have not yet received a letter and I am sure you have written. I feel so awful, everyone getting mail from their wives, girlfriends and so on. I just sit and pray that they will call my name out on the mail parade everyday, and they are getting down to the last one or two letters and I say to myself that there must be one there for me from you. Then they call out some other name and the mail is all gone. Really I could nearly cry for I feel that lonely and disappointed and sick in the stomach. Sandra, I love you.

Anyway darling it’s about a quarter to eight now and there is a movie on tonight. I may go and have a look at it. It may cheer me up a bit as I feel rotten at the moment, my heart and body just feels lost and lonely for you my love. Shall write more when the movie is over and hope I feel a little more cheerful for you. See you in about one and a half hours time (I love you). My lovely here’s a kiss for you until then. X.
I just kissed the paper where the cross is. Will you kiss it for me when you are reading this?

Well darling, I am back again. The movie was one of the silliest things I have ever seen. Super-natural turn out it was. Anyway Sandra, I guess I had better finish up now and get some sleep. I hope I dream about you tonight, I have had many dreams about you the last two or three nights. I shall tell you about them some time later. Give John, Mick and Brian a cuddle for me and tell them I shall be home before Santa comes again. I have to finish up now, but I don’t want to, I want to write to you and express my love for you but it’s about time for lights out so I must say good night and god bless you, my love.

Loving you forever Sandra.

All my love, Jock. xxxxxx.

ALL my love to you.

Did you get the money I sent you, dear?

Sandra, I think I will cry for you tonight when I go to bed. I love you darling. See you tomorrow night. Love, Jock. xxxxx.

Postmark 29th Dec, 1969

My Dearest Jock

I was so pleased to receive 2 letters from you to-day Darling, and to hear that things aren’t too bad in Nui Dat. I suppose you are doing your training now, and are feeling tired.

I have been feeling very sick and weak for quite a while now, & at first I thought I might be pregnant but I got my periods yesterday, so it can’t be that, I have been going to bed of an afternoon when the boys go, and I spend most of the day just sitting or doing nothing as I feel too weak to do anything.

I managed to do the washing this morning, but it took nearly all the energy I had. I didn’t go to the Dr. at first because I thought it would pass, but I have been getting worse, and I am busting for Monday to come so that I can go to the Dr. Every now & then I feel real hot & sweaty & the next minute I am freezing cold. Then to top it all off I am getting that dermatitis again, remember that itchy rash I had in Melbourne, well I have got a patch of it starting on my arm. There is no doubt about me I have always got something wrong with me, haven’t I.

I have just been fiddling with the tape recorder and eventually found out how to work it. It has been so long since I have used it, I didn’t know how it worked. There is a number 127 mm on the reel, I don’t know whether that is the size of the tape, or on the recorder itself there is the number R2-5035. The reel is just 5″ in diameter. I will start taping something on it & send it to you as soon as I can.

We were expecting John, Mary & girls here yesterday but they rang to say that they won’t be down until tomorrow (Sun). Mum & Dad took Aunty Zerephy home yesterday afternoon. Aunty Jean came over this morning, she is staying at Franks. She was expecting to see John & family here and she called to pick up Ann as she is going to spend the rest of her school holidays with Aunty Jean.

Mum, Dad & aunty Jean went over to see Gwen Hubert (Wellsmore) this afternoon, I was going too but I didn’t feel up to it so I went to bed instead.

I hope you can read this scribble but I am very tired and weak, so I had better finish up now & go to bed & think about you until I fall asleep.

I received a Christmas card & a nice hankie from the Cullens to-day, and also a card from Muriel & Bert Stoddard. Do you know what their address is now? I think they live in Downer don’t they?

Well I must close now Darling, but don’t forget that I love you dearly my love, and you are always in my thoughts. May God bless you.

Yours Always

Sandra XXXXXX

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