Letters from Prison #11

Letters from Prison


G’day mate,

What’s happening? It’s a bummer about the 4WD. OK! Well another week gone. Only 16 weeks 4 days to go. We got the TV back, last night, after D- gave it out to a couple of blokes on Monday. You don’t realise how much you miss something until you don’t have it. The last few nights dragged on.

D- leaves within 7 days. He has been released to a re-hab centre. Since we found out he was going a couple of young blokes have been giving me a hard time. I reckon when D- goes I’m going to end up in another fight. I am so sick of the shit in this place. Ever since I had the blue with N- all the (so-called) tough cunts have been sizing me up. S- (his real name is D- A-) is a sweeper and every morning around 5.30am he turns up his music while he does the corridor.

Apparently, he is a really good fighter. No-one tells him to turn down the music because, I think, they’re afraid of him. I was going to say something but D- told me to let it go, and then, last night, D- and I got an early lock-in but we didn’t have any sugar (sugarless) so I kicked the door to ask someone to give me some. S- came up to the door and had a go at me. “Disco (that’s my nickname), were you banging on the door?” I said “Yes, I wanted some sugar.” He said “You woke me up! Next time buzz up and ask.” I said “If I buzz up the screws will tip me over the wall.” (The intercom is for emergencies only.) He said “Well, don’t do it again!” Afterwards I said to D- “How could he sleep at 6pm with all that racket going on out there?” He said “He wasn’t asleep. I don’t know why but he just wants to give you therapy.” So, if it does happen, I may have to fight again. I’ll let you know how things progress.

Other than that things are the same. Slow days with nothing to do. I’m trying to organise a hire TV because D- is taking his with him. I can’t afford to buy one. If I don’t get one I’ll just go back to reading books. At least I’ve got my kettle. Anyway that’s it for another week. I’ll see you when I’m looking at you (or just after). Enjoy this sick joke. Catch you on the flipside. Pax vobiscum.


Mary Poppins was on holiday so she went to a motel and booked in overnight. The Manager asked her if she would care for a meal to be brought to her room. She asked for cauliflower with melted cheese and eggs benedict. The next morning, as she checked out, the Manager asked if she enjoyed her meal and she said,

“Super cauliflower but the eggs were quite atrocious!”

Hyuk! Hyuk! He! He! Haw! He! Haw! Hyuk! (I told you it was sick.)

Q. What’s good on a pie but not on a vagina?

A. Crust.

Q. What do you call a dog with 10cm legs and 12cm steel balls?

A. Sparky.

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