Chiffon #132. The Smokeless Fire

Hallo, hullo or hello!

It is all the same no matter how you look at it. The fact of the matter is you must take action (that means doing something) in order to start putting into practice a life after smoking. In my own case I have been terribly caught up in my own case, so interested I have neglected to clean my house of emotional dirt.

Without the cigarettes in which to hide my issues, the result is behaviour much like that of a little kid, full of questions and misgivings (and that is putting it mildly). Things that were disguised by cigarettes, marijuana or another drug are now situating themselves at the visible end of my psyche. It really is obvious in the morning (three a.m.). I am snappy, even argumentative, because I am attempting to stop smoking, and my partner, who maintains she is not that bad with her own smoking she thinks no one will notice. And she is right. No one else will notice but me.

I yell and scream and I ask her nicely if she could not smoke in front of me and she gets the shits. She is fairly indignant about it all and resistant to what I am actually asking and there is a possibility that I did not ask, but dressed it up as a proclamation or legislation or an edict or a command and used the wrong inflection and therefore, she reasons, I must hate her. How could she arrive at this conclusion? Quite possibly because I may have raised my voice, just a little, at three in the morning, waking the neighbors, inviting prosecution? I don’t think so.

Apart from focusing on the way I say things the message is the same. It raises an interesting question. What do you do about things that give you the shits? There is no real thing you can do. There is always going to be things that give you the shits no matter whether you deal with them one at a time or get as angry as hell about them one at a time. It does not change anything except  your vital signs.

For instance, in the last election I voted for a change in the government and there was celebration, smoking, drinking, laughing, and dancing, much elation. Then the world economic crisis, much sadness pursued. For the second time in my life I watched as the government I had a hand in putting into power started to rock and roll to the point that another election has been called, not by the original prime minister but by a woman stand in. My mood swings were going all over the shop and I got the shits. Do I really need to get upset over something that is not listening and will do whatever it does anyway?

Whatever way it goes. it does not matter to me. What does matter is what I do and the way I do it.


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