Letters from Prison #14

Letters from Prison


Hello mate,

How’s it going? I hope you had a great Father’s Day. Well, another week gone! Only six weeks on Tuesday. I am getting excited. It will be fantasic to finally walk out the front gate and leave this place behind. The screws moved me back upstairs so, since being in gaol, I have been in seven different cells and had 13 cellmates. You’re not going to believe who my new cellie is. N- C-. He knows A- B- and A- H-. He gets released in a little over a week so I will have a new cellmate (which will make 14) before I leave. My leg is a little better but the doctor won’t let me go back to work. Also, I’ve got an abscess on my tooth so my face has ballooned with the infection. I am on antibiotics and it should go down in a few days. But at the moment I am the brunt of jokes (Quasimodo face, Cheeky, Gumball, Kojak, etc). I was also getting hassled about my leg & not working (Hopalong, “I should join the O-limp-ics”, the worst one was tampon – in work for one week and out for three). I am taking it all with a grain of salt (the last one WAS pretty funny).

I have been playing Manilla & losing heaps but last week I actually won and got an extra $35 in my buy-up. It’s a mad game (also addictive).

It looks like L- F-, who was supposed to be getting out on 14th Sept, has had his parole revoked so he won’t get released until January. I told K- and she told me she would pick me up when I get out. So you could pick me up from her place. She lives at —–. You don’t have to hurry to get there. If you like I will ring you from her place. That way I can find out if you’re working. Are you still going to visit before I am released? You don’t have to. I am just wondering. Anyway, there is not long to go. I can’t wait!!

How is: M-? A-? M-? G-? G-? J-? J-? N-? A-? G-? A-? R-? K-? D-? And everyone else? God! It’s been so long I’m forgetting who is around! Say hello for me. I miss intellectual conversations. I could really do with a ‘Wild Turkey’ (maybe two 750ml bottles) and a joint. Ever since 5 blokes got tipped for selling drugs in here there hasn’t even been a snifter of pot. True, I got a bit drunk on lemon essence but it’s not the same. Maybe I’m an alcoholic AND a drug addict?! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

K- is having a party, for her and her daughter, R-, on the Saturday after I get out. You will get an invite but I thought I would tell you. Mum won’t be there. P- won’t be there. B- might (but she may not because I’m going) so I think it will be fun. You could even bring your new girlfriend. What’s her name again? You could also bring the mando so I can hear how you’re going with it. Anyway, talk to you soon or catch you on the flipside of my lagging. Miss you.


P.S. I still haven’t got ANY photos.

Some jokes (sick but funny).

Q. What’s the definition of self-destruction?

A. An epileptic leper.

Mmmf! Pa!

Q. How do you make 100 year old ladies say “Fuck”?

A. Have another yell “Bingo”.

Ss! Ss! Ss! Shit!

Q. What’s the definiton of perversion?

A. Condom flavoured strawberries.

Pff! Mmf! Sss! Fa.. Kinell! Hyuk! Ha!

An eskimo went on holiday to New Zealand and hired a car. He didn’t know much about cars but after a while started to get the hang of it. Suddenly the car broke down and rolled to a stop. Not knowing what to do he hailed a Kiwi motorist and asked him for help. The Kiwi put his head under the bonnet and said “You’ve blown a seal”. “So?” replied the Eskimo. “You root sheep!”

Har! Har! He! He! Ho! Ho! Hidey! Hidey! Where the fuck’s Heidi? Giggle! Splat! Zap! Gazam! Fizz! Pow! Whompa! What?

(I’ve lost the plot!)

(Probably LACK of drugs & alcohol.)

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