Gertrude #32 ” How to Skill a Shocking Word

Gertrude's Diary

Breaking news in Gertrude-land:” whiskey is no joke.” Is it just”coincidence that Jameson”s rhymes with medicines”? I think not.” In other stories in this edition;” chaotic forces are occupying the vicinity of Ebden Street, Ainslie, where they nightly entice and incite innocents to drunken extravagance.

Isn”t it remarkable how sometimes, just one person can become a catalyst for transforming normally quiet, reserved and peace-loving people into a mob of maniacs.” I don”t know any quiet, reserved, peace-loving people, but they”re probably, deep-down, just as susceptible to the charms of cannotbenamedforreasonsofprivacy as the regulars at Chez Mitchell”s.

Cannotbenamed is visiting dull old Canberra from Melbourne, the southern centre of chic sophistication.” You can tell he”s used to mixing in more exalted circles than our own by his skill at the game of charades.” One of the most important skills in the game lies in convincing the reluctant footy watchers to participate, and cannotbenamed succeeded in this first and most important test with admirable aplomb.” What fun!” What ham acting!” What revelations were had about our respective histories of music, movies and books.” Of course, there”s always certain people who have to go and lower the tone of the night by miming the title of the single porn movie that everyone”s heard of.” (Nice technique though, LD.)”

Mitch himself was not achieving his usual standard of enjoyment, owing to the fact that he”s feeling a bit crumbly.” It saddened me to see him so subdued, but I guess I’d be a little flat too after three nights in a row of charades.

And now a prayer:” Dear benevolent-force-of-universal-love-and-acceptance, (have you noticed how all the good names for deities have been taken already?) thank you for the blessings of friendship and”laughter, and most humbly we beseech you to ever shower us in thy boon of painkillers and Berocca.

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