Chiffon #136. Alone

Ullo,

Today I have started back at my art slash design course and alas, for this last term I am on my own. My friend who was staying with me is now safely ensconced back in her own place. This will be a bit of an adjustment and I know there will be times when I am going to wish that everything will be different or stayed the same, there will be those times when a sense of longing for those happy and tender moments becomes almost intolerable to bear and I might consider suicide. But you get that, it goes with the territory.

Relationships they come and they go. The thing that amazes me about relationship break up parties, between quite often the bentest person in the world, your soul mate  (partner), the person you would walk five hundred miles and then fall down drunk at their door, is the way almost overnight loving relationships show their true colors and lovers become fighters  and voices get raised, possessions get destroyed, debt suddenly becomes a weapon and money ceases to be spent on the machinations for a good time but destroying whatever time you have. As I said you get that.

I recall with vivid clarity the day myself and a couple of male friends were sitting around, one sunny Sunday afternoon, and the partner of one of the men, a slight girl with what I would call a delicate frame, I had  met her but on this occasion she was in no mood for niceties, she looked really scary her and her man were breaking up and there was only one thing on her mind, revenge. What for revenge?

I should mention that in my own case, there was a bit of yelling and screaming, but we are big people and she simply saw that she was sending me to a different place (not good) and as much as she hated to upset me, she knew it was for the best and as much as I pleaded for her to be a little bit sensitive to my feelings and stay, she knew deep in her heart that my feelings would change and I guess she realized that I would change my mind after sitting down and having a good hard look at myself and I no doubt will.

I would think that if any two people anywhere ever think that they are complete enough to be everything to someone else by nominating themselves to be the mentor of a relationship, their egos are well and truly involved, and when one realises that they are not everything or seemingly anything special and they eat, shit, fart and bleed like everyone else, they get upset, and sometimes not a bit, but a lot upset. Enough to want to reduce the involved party or parties to that seeming anything.

It is very typical of humans to have relationships like this with everything, even the planet it would seem. Apart from just needing to live, humans need to feed their own feelings, which is silly because feelings change so why would you act on them, but act they do. Now we live in or on a planet that is fast running out of stuff and new stuff is being created such as icecaps melting, toxic floods, acid rain, erosion, corrosion… well you get that.

So my point or my advice is that you make yourself as comfy as possible, fuck everybody and live humbly and simply live. We got no hope really, it just hasn’t happened yet. The end ……………… that is

Luff Chiffon XXX

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