Chiffon’s Biography, Part 1

Chiffon

TOO THICK TO BE A COASTER.

I was born. This is the truth. I had two parents initially, this was in Paris, France. They were both students at the Versailles University. I know that they studied because they had me. My father was a scholar of philosophy and my mother was a scholar of the entire faculty. Actually my mother was a German/Italian and she has many branches on her family tree. This is lucky as I have much that I can tell the world as a result.

After a completely turbulent infancy which saw my father disappear for a time and then reappear, but never appearing quite the same to me, I found myself floating to this country like so many of your own ancestors. This is when I think (It is all so very long ago and my recall is not what it used to be) for the first time I see my mother arrested and then I was given to fat woman and driven to a big estate in the desert
somewhere with razor wire fences.

I later learned that this was for the purpose of keeping feral kangaroos out (people seemed to be of the opinion that this was jail). It was in this environment that I started learning about the dreamtime and I was very good at it and I did it all day some days.

This was in direct conflict with the night times which always seemed to be interrupted by the staff asking me how I was? And prodding me to establish what hurt from what didn”t? and on many occasions I received many massages from trainees (they only rub me up certain ways) and this kept me awake.

I can not say I minded as sometimes it made me feel good and for me the night with sleep means a night with night dreams which worry me. After some time I was taken to a very big place with so many lights for a little girl. I was given to a couple involved in theatre and theatre people. I was put to work, with my tap dancing ability. I wore a costume and danced on tabletops for producers. I also learnt to tango on couches adding to my r”sum”. I was only nine or ten at this time.

However I was not content to be the undiscovered person that people were telling me to be. To this end I decided to propel myself into the limelight and I just hung out in The Cross by the fountain. I was cold. I was busking (I sing songs by my mother’s friend Piaf).

Then I met a man who was a fisherman and he took me fishing and teaching me this and that. He suggested I have rum which I must say made me warm but then I baited his rod and threw up. I got used to it. This was because of my underdeveloped gag reflex but as things progressed, more and more fisherman enjoye making me bait their rods as well.

Personally I think they liked me gagging. I was now becoming popular with the fishermen however I was not kissing the fishes. This was to my detriment, but never mind. It is a curious thing for me as I have never before told this things I talk about and I go off the track.

After my lifestyle got too hectic with many other wives being envious of my success that they be angry in my face and I poop at them and leave, I soon found myself wandering and I become very sick but the doctor they fix me up and this was okay and not okay if you know what I mean, but of course you don”t.

The doctor (who is a pig) he told me to give up the piss. ‘What for’ I say? There is nothing wrong with me. Anyway I say to him ‘have you got a brain you don”t know this brain,’ and I throw things and they put me in another hospital in a padded room. For some time.

After this rather depressing slur on my character I moved into a big house where I had my peace and quiet and I found this silence so deafening that I, like Beethoven, made music, and you would not believe, someone complained and this gave me bad feeling so I wished they (whoever complained) would go deaf like me.

My tenth birthday or my eleventh, I was adopted by a cult of women (they were in denial). This experience was a welcome change and smelled much nicer than the smell of the fish scarred into my memory which was kind of strange considering this women”s cult I was dependant on, for everything, was a bit fishy.

This environment allowed me virtually no time by myself and I took some time getting used to my constant companion, a brunette woman, quite shapely, called Shade. I did not realize it then but I was inadvertently involved in a big colour thing due to some acid. I remember this incident and so I will tell. I really think it is important.

It was a summer afternoon and I was sitting by the pear tree growing (somewhat ad-hoc) at the end of the garden and Shade came and suggested we go for a walk and get some sun at the same time. This seemed like a fun thing and we set off. Not far from the back gate and Shade stopped and gave me a piece of paper with pictures of little beavers. I looked at them and told her that they were very good and I enquired whether she liked art? to which she told me to shut up and eat them.

I thought to myself this is odd but I swallowed them all the same and told Shade her secret would be safe with me, the secret of the beaver, and then she told me to behave and handle it and I did not know what thing to handle as pretty soon I was going to shit the pictures out and there was no way I was going to handle that so I start to cry and Shade tell me that I am going on a bad trip and I screamed and she slap me and I hit her back by kicking her in the shins but her leg it turned
into a tree trunk and I hurt my foot and then it came off from my leg and I had to hop around. All this I was told after I had come out of my coma (another complication) a week later.

When they release me I decided to run away from all these weirdoes and I did. One day when I am not alone I suggest we play ide an seek an I tell every body to hide and I will not look and give them five minutes to hide and then I come and find them. Thankfully they happily agreed.

So after a few minutes I think that no body would hide in the direction of the front gate so I go out the gate looking and I was running very fast for such as me and I just kept going and going until I came to a road and I waited and I hitched a ride away from what was, vowing never to return.

Over the following years I pursued a life much to the envy of most people (with the exception of the people who I was with). One could say I was drifting but I prefer to call it multiple relocation. This suited my personalities which would adjust (most times) to my varying situations.

I was never bored, and I occupied myself with myself, spending much time learning, by reading books. I secretly yearned for my roots. I began researching my family history from the little I knew of it. It was this search that first led me to the Capital and the French Ambassador’s doorstep. It was nineteen sixty-two.

Canberra was a sheepy looking town with lots of government and tradition as well as being a bit up itself, I thought, but most people were happy (that tells you something) and I was able to get myself a lodging as well as a part-time job in a caf” and I went to school.

All of this I achieved with what was my only friend at this time, a black sausage dog. This doggy was a stray and we fell in luff. I called him Oblong and we shared a room on Mount Ainslie with many other peoples, and they don”t care about me. I live like this for quite some time and I became a bit of a fixture, but I needed to get my education which I pursued relentlessly.

It paid off. By the time I was sixteen, we had got enough education to get myself an apprenticeship as a hairdresser with a very attractive woman hairdresser. This woman she had a lot of time for me and she helped Oblong as well as Chiffon and eventually I moved in with her and her three children who loved Oblong, and enjoyed playing with him.

This position I had was extremely beneficial to me and I would find myself talking and flirting with the aristocracy within this Capital and I had power as I became confidant to many a client. On one occasion, I could not believe how lucky I was, I was sent to England to study with Vidal Sassoon.

He was supposed to be big shot. All because he cut off an actress’ trusses (and he was a hairdresser) for a film called The Great Gatsby, however I not go to him. I ran away and I caught the ferry. I was in Paris and I went straight to the library and I find out a little about this and that and now I know what I want.

So then I went traveling through Europe and I met (as you would imagine) the most amazing people who related to my revolutionary character and kept me away from the gendarmes. I Spent a lot of time in artists’ studios, moving around quite a bit and from country to country, working here and there. I can assure you I had MANY experiences and I talk with MANY people and they kept records of my relations in my family tree and this led me, you would not believe!

Then I come back. Now I can tell you this made me happy, and somehow discontent, and I longed for international fame. This, I sought.

Luff Chiffon XXX

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