Skills Shortage Worsens: Shock Jocks Required

The Department of Evil Worker Repression Employment and Workplace Relations issued a press release today advising that Australia’s skills shortage is hurting the broadcast radio industry and that, if nothing is done soon, we may face a chronic shortage of shock jocks.

Perhaps timed for greatest effect, the announcement coincides with the memorial service for renowned bigot, Stan ‘I’m not really a cunt, it’s just an act’ Zemanek, and follows closely the announced retirement of John ‘somebody stole my golden microphone‘ Laws and the sacking from tv of Alan ‘I have a strong affinity with young male athletes’ Jones.

‘Without a strong supply of ill-informed radio commentary,’ stated the press release, ‘Australia’s international competitiveness will be harmed,’ noting the strong connection between the National Shock Jock Index, currently at a ten year nadir, and the repeated re-election of ‘stable governments’.

‘Proper, informed and balanced media commentary is the stuff of the ABC latte chardonnay set,’ said Minister, Kevin Andrews, arguing that ‘the country’s security relies on keeping the majority of the people in the dark the majority of the time.’

DEWR is looking at a number of options, including importing foreign jocks and training them in the niceties of Australian radio, producing a ‘Shock Jock School’ reality television program starring Rush Limbaugh, as well as some experimental medical procedures that have successfully rewired the brains of journalists in foreign countries, the so-called ‘Ray Martin Effect’.

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