INSATIABLE BANALITIES #14. Tom Woodward et al

Recorded on Sunday 19th June, 2005, Insatiable Banalities, podcast #14’s guests are Zoe (from Crazybrave), Tom Woodward and James Nicholls (from The Henchmen, Konrad Lenz and The Lenzmen [not this Lenzmen) and, recently, Hand Pallet Jack) and Sky (from The Lenzmen and Blame it on the Moon). All songs in the ‘cast are recorded live.

Scroll below to see the track list and a summary of the insatiably banal topics of conversation.

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Track list

When She Whispers My Name. 5:58

Give Me Some Mercy. 19:40

Sitting on a Railing. 44:59

Andre. 1:04:23


We introduce our guests and Tom confesses to having been up all night. The red wine stains on his lips don’t really make him look like a vampire, but in combination with his ghoulish pallor and bloodshot eyes, they do make for a striking effect. The others, by comparison, seem reasonably lively.

The gig of the night before is discussed. Hand Pallet Jack supported Konrad Lenz and the Lenzmen. Jim notes that as the Lenzmen and Tom’s band are composed of pretty much the same members, you get two bands for the price of one. Click here (mpeg, 6.9 meg) to see Konrad Lenz and The Lenzmen playing the first two verses of Tom’s favourite song (the whole song goes forever) (Tom’s on acoustic guitar, James is behind him on electric).

Johnboy remarks upon the surprising amount of attractive and very drunk young women in the audience, a common occurrence according to Tom. One of the young women landed unbidden in John’s lap. As it turns out, the woman in question had quite an eventful night, including punching James’ girlfriend for unspecified reasons.

In fact she seems to have quite an eventful life. Click here (mpeg, 2.8 meg) to see her in action, including her rapturous dancing style and an apology she made to Jim for an indiscretion at a party at his house.

Tom and James play ‘When She Whispers My Name’ and we discuss why Tom has started another band. Zoe brings up Tom’s striking resemblance to Bob Dylan and James’ similarity to Jason Priestly. Who does their absent drummer resemble? Mao Tse Tung says Tom.

Changing direction, Jim asks Zoe why she blogs so rarely these days. She’s discovered the joys of ‘slack blogging’ says she.

Johnboy reminds us that the Queen has bought an iPod. Perhaps she’ll be listening to us in the future? In fact she has given the iPod her Royal Seal of Approval and agreed to have her image used as part of Apple’s series of iPod ads.

Next subject. Wal-Mart has instituted a ‘No Flirting’ policy for staff in its stores, recognising that people find it difficult to tell the difference between flirting and sexual harassment. But what is the difference between flirting and being friendly? Can staff flirt with customers? Why don’t we have Wal-Mart in Australia? Why can’t pharmacies be established in super markets? How come Jim can run a pharmacy from his house? And is flirting allowed on the podcast?

The boys play ‘Give Me Some Mercy’, than Tom advises he chickened out from playing his experimental, Ginsberg-inspired, new material last night. Jim, after relating Alison Procter’s policy on concocting a set list (she refuses to pander to the audience), tells Johnboy Alison was offended by a review he wrote of her once. We await his right of reply.

We learn of an English stinging nettle eating competition and decide we should start one at PJ O’Reilly’s in Tuggeranong. PJ’s and Tuggeranong come in for a general bagging, defended by Zoe who then bags leaf blower men and fills us in on the sneaky ‘rooster revenge’. ‘We can always kill the thing and eat it,’ she advised her leaf blowing neighbours when they complained about the rooster adjacent to their bedroom window. Jim then tells of his former neighbour, the Nazi obsessive-compulsive hose artist.

We discuss the Pot Belly ‘Acoustic Challenge’ that Sky competed in the night before rather than play with the Lenzmen. Again Jim dumps Alison Procter in it by recalling her inside knowledge of the voting irregularities that go on there. Sky’s band, Blame it on the Moon, got through the heat, as well as Changeable Dan (coming to a podcast near you soon) and The Cashews.

We move onto the local band scene, famous for its in-fighting, particularly on Just Bands. Night Train cops a lot of crap there, though very few have actually seen them play (Johnboy has). They release a CD in August, so we’ll soon have no excuse to criticise them sight unseen. John recalls the night Special Guest Star stole Night Train’s rider (that he was supposed to share) at a gig. Rock and

Is Tuggeranong better or worse than Queanbeyan? Zoe recalls seeing a Thai restaurant in Queanbeyan with a sign saying ‘Thai food doesn’t have to be hot and spicy’ and thinking ‘I’m sorry, yes it fucking does’ and Queanbeyan was crossed off her list of places to reside in. James’ Dad reckons Queanbeyan is full of high tech industries quietly going about their business selling satellite components and stuff. The boys play ‘Sitting on a Railing’ accompanied by the telephone.

How does Tom remember all those lyrics? He doesn’t have much else in his brain says he. Zoe confirms the theory from her knowledge of children’s cognitive development. What is Tom doing here? We thought we were losing him to Melbourne but he’s back now, working at the post office (like his hero Bukowski) and trying to write novels. His job sounds like hell but it’s pretty funny in the relating.

We’re getting close to the end. We offer apologies for Gertrude and Captain Pants who are having a dirty weekend in the Blue Mountains. Tom apparently is in the middle of a dirty weekend, including a little whipping session in the Phoenix after the gig that, you lucky devils, you can watch by clicking here (mpeg, 2.0 meg). James refused to get his cock out, much to Jim’s chagrin given his penchant for documenting such incidents. Last song. ‘Andre’. We say goodbye. Somehow this summary has ended up being longer than the podcast itself. I’ll have to work on that.

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