A Moving Experience

Forgive the appaling and unoriginal pun but we are moving house, a task that leads to all sorts of unfortunate consequences, dull wordplay being amongst the lesser of such evils. I’d say moving house is as much fun as having a tooth pulled, but I had a tooth pulled last week and there is no comparison.

It was a wisdom tooth, a big ugly bastard of a thing, and the decision to extract was easily made when an x-ray revealed a dying hulk beyond salvation. Plus the fact that, with no opposing tooth on the lower side (it having crumbled long since), it was as useful as a scissor.

It came out with barely a whimper. Actually it came out with a sickening cracking sound discernible only within my skull, the absence of associated pain adding a surreal gloss to the experience. ‘Is it that easy to dismantle a person,’ I was thinking, adding another disturbing perspective to my already morbid obsession with mortality.

I’d show you a picture of it but I think I have packed it in a box. One of the rare joys of moving house is finding a whole lot of stuff you thought you’d lost or even forgotten you owned. One of the evils is that you immediately pack them in a box from which they may never emerge. Still, it’s comforting to do a mental inventory, despite the fact that of the 75, 381 objects that have passed my gaze on their way to their new cardboard home, probably 50,627 are expendable bits of junk.

How did it come to this? I used to be able to fit all my wordly goods into my 1971 Hunter Hillman stationwagon, and sleep in it. I once moved house with no other aid than a shopping trolley. Twenty ute and trailer loads into our current move, we are just beginning to feel like we’ve broken the back of it. ‘Do we,’ I occasionally wonder, ‘really need twenty shovels and spades?’ ‘Are we ever going to make use of our impressive collection of antique beige computer components?’ ‘Is there really a use for a year’s worth of beard trimmings and various batches of hair cut from random peoples’ heads?’

The answer, of course, is always yes, and when you see my G5 modded into an AV350 case covered in multi-coloured human hair powered by a waterwheel of spinning shovels, you will, I am sure, totally agree.

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